My Identity Crisis

Hi. My name is Rebecca and I have the “disease to please”.

One of the symptoms of this lethal disease is that I avoid conflict at any cost. I seek to keep peace, not make it. And my utmost goal is to make sure people like me. I calculate decisions based on the question: “How will this reflect on me?”

It’s more like a prison. And the chains that keep me in bondage are the perceptions of others.

That is… until I was set free.

Completely SET FREE!!!

I want to do a happy dance just when I write those words, because it’s true. For far too long… I have lived in this prison of my own thoughts and was a slave to the never-ending task of managing my image.

The key to breaking every chain was in finding my identity in who Jesus says I am… not in who others say I am. Here’s a truth:

If the devil can take away our trust in God, he has access to shatter our lives.

And by trust in God, I also mean trusting His Word (a.k.a. the Bible).

God calls me His Daughter, chosen and dearly loved. This means that there is nothing I can do to make Him love me any more, and there’s nothing I can do to make Him love me any less. Therefore, when I make a mistake, I have the ability to grow and learn from it and not be shaken, angry, frustrated, or insecure. My identity is not in my performance.

God thought it was a good idea that I get married…. and I agreed. But being a wife is not my identity. Now don’t get me wrong… my husband is nothing short of amazing. I’m incredibly blessed. But if I expect things of him that only God can fulfill… I will inevitably end up disappointed. If I find my identity in marriage, or my husband, then when I don’t feel valued the way I think I deserve it… I might feel unworthy because my identity is based on whether or not my husband lives up to my expectations.

Think about your spouse. You don’t need him/her to save you or fix you to show you that you have worth and value, because that’s what we do with our source of identity- we need “it” to tell us we have value and worth- and if we are freed from that, it means we can love better.

We can’t possibly talk about identity without including those precious cherubs that filled our home soon after we were married… a.k.a. KIDS! We learned quickly that children are not programmable robots but rather have a mind of their own. Some days it feels like their only plan is exactly whatever is opposite of ours. But we love them anyways and invest in them because some day they will choose our nursing home.

Two words that are sure to make you question your identity: “mom blogs”. The advice and comments on these sites can be equivalent to cyber-bullying. Friends… don’t let friends fall into the trap that says ‘what you do with your kid determines your value’. This is nothing but a bunch of hogwash. Furthermore, when (not if) my children misbehave… my identity is not threatened because the behavior and achievements of my children are not my identity.

What does it mean to have your identity in Christ? It’s not just a matter of claiming Bible verses for yourself (did you know that there’s over 160 Bible verses that talk about our identity IN CHRIST). To have your identity in Christ means that you’re placing your confidence for life and eternity in the Lord Jesus Christ. To be in Christ means you’re learning to do all that you do with and for Jesus in the Kingdom of God. It means that you’re being formed into the image of the Lord and you want other people to see Jesus when they look at you. (Galatians 4:19)

Think of someone that you would say you “love”. Are you finding your identity in them? Love is not a desire for approval.

If my identity is not in relationships… then I am freed up to love them, not just seek approval but rather being patient and rejoicing with the truth.

Identity in Christ means being 100% secure so I can lovingly confront truth and I don’t need approval from that relationship, because my needs are met in Christ and I am filled with HIS SPIRIT.

The God who lives inside of me is LOVE!

Read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 and insert your name wherever you see the word LOVE!

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